Jadion Backstory

It pays to be knowledgeable, but it doesn’t pay to boast about it!

Choonan Moon was one of the most knowledgeable men in the Seven Kingdoms on a planet called DoshRah. He loved sitting in his old rocking chair looking clever as he stroked his venerable white beard (which he thought added to his ‘Wise Man’ image).

But despite having a wealth of knowledge Choonan wasn’t wise. He foolishly boasted he had more sense in his little toe than the King had in his entire body.

Needless to say the King wasn’t impressed. Being a powerful sorcerer he cast a spell to turn our heedless hero into a common garden ornament: a stone Jadion.

And so it was that whilst Choonan was giving a detailed lecture on Advanced Kazoo Instrumentation there was a loud ‘pop’ and he disappeared. Choonan found himself in the Royal palace. He tried to turn his head, but he was stuck fast! His peripheral vision confirmed what had befallen him: he’d been turned into a common garden Jadion! The King plucked him up and set him in his garden, admiring the new compliment to his water feature.

As the years passed the once common Jadion ornaments eventually became extremely rare and valuable, and Choonan the most valuable of them all.  

It wasn’t long before the ‘Royal Jadion’ caught the attention of an idiotic burglar called Jurgen. Known locally as ‘The Bungler’, Jurgen had only ever managed to steal one object: a toothbrush from his brother-in-law (which technically he simply forgot to return).

Jurgen stealthily entered the Royal Garden and stuffed Choonan into his sack. But somehow the dogs got wind of Jurgen and chased him off a cliff whereupon he splatted unceremoniously onto the rocks below.

Luckily the magic of his bewitchment kept Choonan afloat. Drifting out to sea he was found by pirates who tied him to the masthead in the belief he would bring them good luck. This belief proved groundless after the rogues abruptly crashed into an iceberg 10 minutes later.

Choonan floated out to sea once more and drifted into a cave where he became securely lodged. Engaging in deep meditation for countless centuries (he simply had nothing else to do) Choonan focussed the power of his All Encompassing Thought till he felt a shifting deep within his stone body...

Here it is, he thought! Freedom! Movement! Fried Potatoes! Oh glory, oh wonder, I’m soon to be ME again!

But it was not to be.

Instead there was a rather unpleasant plopping sound as something pushed its out way out of his left ear hole. Glancing down he saw it was a tiny Jadion covered in purple mucus. It was alive! And squirming!

As he stared down at the creature in disgust something very strange happened. He suddenly saw himself! He was ‘looking through the eyes’ of the little Jadion!

Unimpressed with his drab surroundings, the tiny Jadion ‘doggy-paddled’ out of the cave.

Not to be disheartened, Choonan once more sent forth the power of his Thought that he might break his prison and return to his true self. And plop! Another little Jadion coated in purple slime popped out of his ear. He tried again. Another Jadion...well, you get the picture!

Choonan never gave up. Through the power of his Thought thousands of Jadions have been produced. And he’s still producing them to this day! Alas, the ability to ‘see through the eyes’ of his Jadions is the only means he has of ‘escaping’ his cruel imprisonment.

Jadions have since spread from Planet DoshRah to dozens of other planets dotted around the universe. Some fashionable ladies even like to keep Jadions in their bathrooms, believing them to be mere statues (a deception the randy little creatures delight in!). It was in these brief moments that Choonan saw some advantages to his All-Seeing Confinement...

So that’s the tale of the Jadion. Keep in mind that you must never disrespect a Jadion or do anything suspect in its presence: they are the Offspring of the Thought of Choonan and his ‘Eyes and Ears’.

And for goodness sake, don’t ever buy a ‘bathroom ornament’ that resembles a Jadion!